It’s amazing how much changes when you have a child. Physically: I don’t think my body will ever look like it did pre-baby. My hips are wider, my skin is softer (not in a good way), and I’m starting to think the bags under my eyes are taking up permanent residence. Mentally: sometimes I wonder if the babbling baby talk I have with Evy every day is making me lose brain cells. My conversation skills are struggling since giving birth as my entire world revolves around breastfeeding, dirty diapers, and baby milestones. And of course emotionally: my hormones are still out of whack and make me feel certifiably crazy sometimes, but my heart is bigger and more full than I ever thought possible. I am in awe of our daughter every day.

It’s no secret that being a mother is a difficult job, and its definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done. While the good certainly outweighs the bad and we have been blessed with a most-of-the-time-happy little girl, I won’t hide the fact that I have had days and nights where I’ve cried right along with my inconsolable baby. It’s rough times like that when I think about my Momma and my childhood…

While my Dad worked hard to provide for our large family, my Mom stayed at home and raised me and my three siblings. Our ages are within 8 years, and at one time there was two babies under two years old. Thinking about entertaining two older children AND having two in diapers makes my head spin! But looking back on my growing up years, I never remember seeing my Momma stressed or overwhelmed. In fact, it’s the opposite. I currently feel like a champion if I take a 5-minute shower and change my yoga pants for the day, but I remember Momma ALWAYS being put together, her hair styled perfectly, and makeup applied. She wore the most stylish 80s/90s clothing (big shoulder pads, scrunchies, and all) and on top of that, made sure all four kids were clean and dressed well too. She managed this all while breastfeeding my little brother AND bottle feeding my sister.

I remember her delicious homecooked meals for dinner and always having the best packed school lunchbox in the entire class. I was a picky eater when I was little, so my Momma would wake up extra early to make me hot chicken sandwiches or a canister of chicken soup instead of a PBJ that she knew I wouldn’t eat.

I remember her being involved in all of our activities. She was the room mother at school, the leader for our Girl Scouts groups, and attended all the swim meets, recitals, and softball games. And somehow she still found time to handsew our Halloween costumes and plan the best birthday parties for us all.

I remember the little things like putting my hair in a ton of little braids at night so it would look crimped when we took them out in the morning. I requested this to be done a lot. Now I see how time consuming that task was, especially with three other children to get through a nightly routine.

Admittedly, I already wonder how I could possibly have another baby when I feel so overwhelmed with just ONE, but I think to how my Mom so gracefully managed to do it all with FOUR children AND make it look easy. Of course, before I became a mother, I said I appreciated the countless ways she gave herself to us, but my eyes see it all differently now that I have Evelyn. I have gained a newfound respect, love, and appreciation for this amazing woman I get to call my Momma.

I am almost 31 years old, and every time I leave my parents’ house, I can count on Momma to stand at the front door and yell out “be careful!” as I walk to my car. I used to think to myself, “I’m a grown woman, I’ll be fine”, but I GET IT now. No matter how old I am, I’m still her baby that she is so protective of and would do anything for. It will always be hard to watch me leave the house and go into the world.

So, on my first Mother’s Day, as I sit here with tears streaming down my face (as my Mother often says), I am so grateful for the new perspective I’ve attained to understand how deep a Mother’s love goes and to REALLY see all that my Momma has done for me. And I can’t help but think about that one day in the future when Evy celebrates HER first Mother’s Day… I hope that she will feel the same way as I do right now.

Momma, my heart is so thankful for the shining role model I have to look up to. Thank you for all that you’ve done, seen and unseen, and all that you are to me. I love you.

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