It’s hard to describe my feelings for 2015 without getting emotional. I was vacant from posting personal things on the blog last year and I hope this will explain why.

We started the year in the best way possible, welcoming our first baby: sweet Evelyn Faith. For as far back as I can remember, I have carried a strong and deep yearning to become a mother. When I was little, that’s what I said I wanted to be when I grew up. Evy has fulfilled that desire and brought such joy to my life that I never knew possible. This year has given us the incredible experience of watching her grow from a tiny, helpless baby to the independent little girl we see today (how did that happen so fast!?). There’s no other feeling like watching your own child learn, laugh, and love.

2015 was also an extremely difficult year. I found myself broken with guilt almost every day because I had such a hard time finding balance. As a business owner, it’s always been a struggle for me to clearly define the line between work and life, knowing when to put my phone down, shut off the computer, and take time off. It’s a very demanding job, and I’m the only one steering the ship, so to speak. For some strange unknown reason though, I always imagined that being a full-time stay-at-home mom AND a business owner would be a piece of cake! Truthfully, adding a baby to the mix made it all completely overwhelming at times. Even though I read all the baby books, pre-planned schedules, and thought that my type-A-self had it all together for her arrival, all of that went out the window when she got here. I quickly found that all babies are different (duh!) and they each have their own schedules (like how she didn’t sleep through the night for over 6 months!). Anyways, caring for Evelyn became my first priority, and I spent the better part of 2015 trying to adapt with finding time to do it all for our daughter, my husband, my family, his family, our friends, my business, my clients, our home…the list goes on. Of course, this left me with what felt like no time for myself either. I felt so lost…like I was spinning several dozen plates at once and if I focused on one for too long, I would lose balance and they all come crashing down to shatter in a million pieces. I constantly felt like I was disappointing someone. I thought that being a mother would come naturally to me, and in a lot of ways it has, but being a mother AND a business owner is something I’m still learning to do.

Having a child has redefined who I am, and I spent a lot of 2015 discovering who that person is, loving her, and building up her confidence. While it’s been tough to live through and morph out of my perfectionist mind frame, this year has been a lesson to me that life isn’t meant to be perfect, and I have to give myself grace. Dishes and laundry will sit a little longer, PJ days may happen more than twice a week, emails might take another day to respond to, and we have to plan date nights instead of being spontaneous (and let’s be honest, that date night will probably be a Redbox movie and takeout!). I also learned that asking for help does not mean that I’m a failure. I wanted to be the one who could do it ALL, but I was just adding unwanted stress to my life. Finding areas where I can occassionally ease the stress of responsibility has made me a better wife, business owner, and most of importantly the best mother to Evy.

As we closed out the year, I thought about the goals I’d like to accomplish in the new year coming. I realized that more than anything, I need to focus on one word: simplicity. In 2016, I’m going to continue to try not to dwell so much on what I didn’t get done and focus on what matters, to relish in every little moment of joy (in work and life), to continue to give myself grace, and to live simply. Each day is getting better with finding my new balance, and I’m looking forward to what tomorrow’s going to bring and sharing more of that with you!

Photo on the left was supposed to be for our Christmas cards that I never got around to ordering (Merry Christmas!). Oh, if y’all only knew the struggle we had that day to get ONE photo! And photo on the right was from Evy’s Gerber baby contest submission…because yes, I am THAT mom. haha

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